


Gangsta’s Paradise

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Anal Sex, Body Worship, Bottom Sam Winchester, Crossdressing, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feminization, Hair-pulling, M/M, Needy Sam Winchester, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Dean Winchester, Rough Sex, Scars, Tattooed Dean Winchester, Top Dean Winchester, Twink Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:53:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24595579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A series of one-shots including lovers/brothers Mafia!Dean and Twink!Sam.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 22
Kudos: 50





	1. never was a sinner, til' you set me on fire

**Author's Note:**

> -Hello everyone! I figured out there wasn't enough gangster/mafia Winchesters stories so I said let's do it...  
> -I'm planning on making this a series of one-shots, they're going to be separate from each other.  
> -There'll be no specific timeline, it's going to have this general gangster theme and different storylines for each of them.  
> -Feel free to make prompts! :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean Winchester is a gang leader and Sam is his lover/brother who does absolutely everything to please Dean including wearing a gown and heels to a ball.

Sam held Dean’s hand and took a cautious foot out. He tested his balance before fully exiting the car. Dean smiled at him and pulled him to his feet. It was hard to keep his balance while wearing heels so he hold Dean’s hand as if his life depended on it. He smoothed down the skirt of his gown and took a deep breath. It was a designer made ball gown, something worth probably over ten or fifteen grand. He scolded Dean for it when the dress arrived to their house.

_‘’Dean this is unnecessarily expensive. Shit, you didn’t have to go and buy this.’’_

_‘’Shut up Sam, I’m not going to answer to anyone on how I spend my fucking money to spoil my baby.’’_

Dean made him wait till the ball day without giving him a clue, he said he wanted to pick the dress and the heels. It took him a good ten days to find the perfect dress in his mind. He felt all the blood in his body rushing to his dick at the very first moment he laid eyes on the dress, he could imagine Sam in this, all dolled up for him to spoil and cherish. All _his._ It was a backless red satin silk dress with a side split.

_‘’No Cas, I’m not gonna visit those sons of bitches personally-‘’_

_‘’Well, how do I look?’’ Sam came out of the bathroom slowly, watching Dean’s face carefully to gauge his reaction. He was on the phone, in the middle of a heated argument with his right hand, Castiel, about some stupid shit. Dean’s jaw dropped, the sight before his eyes were better than he imagined. He could feel the drool forming in his mouth and his pants were suddenly too tight. He snapped out of his trance with Castiel’s voice, yelling at him from the other end of the line._

_‘’I, uhm.. I’ll call you later Cas, gotta go.’’ He threw the phone onto the bed, not even bothering to hang up._

_‘’Fuck baby, you look edible. I can eat you alive.’’ He approached to Sam and drunk in the sight. The dress, the heels, the reddish gloss on his thin lips were so sinful, creating a conflict with his innocent boyish face framed with soft, shaggy hair and big doe eyes._

_‘’Do I look pretty?’’ Dean felt himself getting angry for a second. How can Sam still ask a question like that? He was the center of Dean’s universe and yet he was still doubting himself. He pulled Sam to his chest, caressed his sides._

_‘’Prettier than every girl on the face of this damn earth sweetheart.’’_

He picked out a pair of red high heels with ballerina straps. Sam had to shave his legs and spend half an hour on tying the straps.

 _‘’Couldn’t you pick a more complex pair than this one? It’s impossible to wear these things!’’ Dean laughed at him when he huffed in frustration and tied them for him_.

‘’Relax baby, you look stunning.’’ Dean stroked his hair and smiled at him. Sam was hiding behind him, not ready to be the center of all the spotlight.

‘’But Dean, what if they make fun of me?’’ He caught a glimpse of something dangerous in Dean’s eyes, older man’s features stiffened for a brief second before he took Sam’s hand to place it on his arm.

‘’Then I’ll make sure they don’t live to see another day angel.’’ Possessiveness in Dean’s voice made Sam shiver, he knew he had Dean wrapped around his little finger as much as he was wrapped around Dean’s. He knew what Dean was capable of doing for him, he has seen his fair share of it. He could ask Dean for his heart and Dean would rip it out without even thinking twice and place it in Sam’s hands all bloodily. But non of them would have it any other way.

Door guards greeted them and opened the doors for them, the hot air rushed out of the room and hit them in the face, it was filled with cigarette smoke, alcohol and gunpowder. It smelled like _home_ to them. The place was crawling with gangs from different districts, some of them were familiar faces. Dean smirked when he saw Bobby, a family friend of theirs, they made their way to his table. Dean’s men were already at their places around the table. He motioned them to be at ease.

‘’I was wonderin’ where the hell have you idjits been.’’

‘’Someone took forever to get ready.’’ The old man stood up to greet them, gave Dean a pat on the back and stopped to look at Sam.

‘’Kid you look absolutely breath-taking. Dean, you lucky fucker. I’m definitely stealing him for a dance.’’ Sam felt a rosy blush creeping up onto his cheeks and went for a hug.

‘’Thanks Bobby.’’

The meal was served, the drinks were drunk, they danced their last dance and sat back at the table. Some of the other gang leaders came to talk with Dean and went, Bobby and Dean have been talking about some business crap for an hour now and Sam was bored shitless. He had to draw Dean’s attention in some way or he was going to fall asleep and his whole preparation would be wasted. Also he worked himself so much over thinking about the things Dean would do to him that he was dripping. He stood up and sat back down on Dean’s lap and nuzzled his face into his neck. Dean wrapped an arm around him, his other hand went to caress the smooth skin exposed by dress’ split.

‘’What’s wrong baby?’’ The music playing on the background was loud enough to drown their voices so he started to get to work on his plan.

‘’Can we go Dean?’’

‘’No, I still have things to discuss with Bobby.’’ He wiggled his hips, pretending to settle in his lap.

‘’But I’m so bored Dean please…’’

‘’I said no Sam.’’ He cut Sam off and picked up his conversation with Bobby from where he left off. It was time to bring his big guns out. He started to play with Dean’s hair with his lips brushing against Dean’s ear.

‘’But I want to play Dean, I even opened up myself for you before we left the house.’’ Dean faltered for a second but ignored him and kept talking with Bobby.

‘’I know what you’re trying to do Sam but this is important.’’

‘’Come on Dean I need you, my pussy is so wet.’’ He let one of his fingers draw circles on Dean’s thigh. Dean readjusted his position, opened his legs further for Sam to sit more comfortably. This was enough for Sam to get going because it meant Dean was game.

‘’I know the way they are looking at me like they want to eat me is getting you worked up, why don’t you show them that you own me big brother?’’ Dean cleared his throat and loosened his tie a little, it was a warning and Sam heard it loud and clear.

‘’Stop it.’’ He could feel Dean’s cock poking his thigh, he let his finger on Dean’s thigh slowly approach to his final destination. It was a safe move, the table was covering them from outside. Conversation he was having with Bobby was long forgotten because it was taking all his willpower to stop himself from taking Sam right there.

‘’You don’t really want me to stop, do you Dean? God I need you so bad, wanna spread my legs for you and let you fill my tight pussy with your big cock.’’ Dean grabbed his wrist before he could reach his zipper.

‘’You keep running that slutty mouth of yours and I’ll bend you over this table to spank your ass red.’’ He ground down on Dean’s clothed crotch slowly. His eyes were glistening with mischief.

‘’Is that a promise?’’ Dean pushed him off of his lap and stood up.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ Bobby looked suspiciously at them. Dean opened his mouth for a second and closed it back, he didn’t know what to say and he couldn’t trust his voice. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck.

‘’Sammy said he doesn’t feel good, I’m taking him home. I’ll see ya’ later Bobby.’’ Sam bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from giggling. Bobby definitely could call his bullshit, it was so obvious that Dean was lying but Bobby felt like he didn’t really want to know the truth so he let them get away with it this time.

‘’Alright, good night boys. Get well soon Sam.’’ Dean started to drag him before he can say goodnight to Bobby.

‘’Dean slow down, I can’t run on these heels.’’ Dean sighed and slowed down a little. He couldn’t risk anyone seeing him walking around with a massive boner like some sort of a horny teenager.

‘’Demanding brat. You should’ve thought of that before winding me up.’’

They stepped outside, the cold night weather felt like it was biting them. Dean rushed to the parking lot, his eyes were scanning the area for the Baby. They reached the car, Dean opened the passenger’s door and pushed Sam in before sliding to the driver’s seat.

‘’Needy whore, you couldn’t wait till the end of the night could you?’’ Dean was practically growling, he started the engine and floored the gas.

‘’You look so fucking sexy in that suit I can’t help it.’’ Sam leaned to Dean, his hands were all over him, touching and caressing the right spots, pushing Dean’s buttons just right.

‘’Take your hands off, you’re gonna get us killed.’’ He was clawing at Dean’s zipper and looking up at him with these eyes that screams trouble. Sam was the worst kind of trouble, the kind that would soak into your bones, make you addicted to itself and leave you wanting more.

He opened Dean’s zipper, licked his lips when he saw the damp spot in front of his boxers. He hooked a finger into the waistband and tugged it down. Even with the weak lighting provided by the streetlights, he could see Dean was hard. The tip was an angry red and it was glistening with precum.

‘’With your dick in my mouth? That’s what I call a way to go.’’ He lowered his head and kitten-licked the precum off of the sensitive slit. Dean hissed and Sam felt the car falter for a brief second before Dean could regain the control. It was late and the road was empty, Dean pulled the car over and fisted a hand in Sam’s hair to lift him off of his cock.

‘’Get in the back.’’ Sam grinned at him knowing he had won this, who was Dean to deny him anything? He stumbled out of the car and opened the back door with shaky hands. Anyone could drive pass them at any moment and could see him spreading his legs wide open like a two-dollar whore for his big brother.

‘’I can read it on your face you freaking exhibitionist,’’ He got in the back and laid on his back, big doe eyes were watching Dean’s every movement.

‘’It gets you going doesn’t it? The thrill of people knowing how much of a cockslut you are for your own brother?’’ He took off his jacket and tossed it to the passenger’s seat.

‘’I bet you’d come all over yourself if somebody see us right here right now.’’ He stopped in front of the open backdoor. He was taking his time, untying his tie, opening the buttons of his shirt slowly like they weren’t in a hurry, making Sam pay for teasing him at a place full of country’s most feared men and women. Sam was shaking with anticipation, he was _leaking_ and he knew he had to hold on because he’s seen more than enough of the consequences if he come without Dean’s permission.

‘’Come on Dean, quit teasing.’’ He stopped mid-action while unbuckling his belt, put his hand onto the top of the car and bent down to look at Sam.

‘’I can’t remember when I told you that you can call the shots?’’

‘’I- I’m… I can’t wait anymore please.’’ He ripped the belt out of the loops and threw it to the front seat, given the fact they were two grown ass man, it was hard for them to fit in the backseat of the Impala without a little bit of struggle.

‘’Show me how much you want it.’’ Sam opened his legs and hooked one of them over the front seat, the skirt of the dress rode up over his thighs, he grabbed the fabric to lift it all the way up. He was wearing a pair of lacy red panties, it was hugging his leaking hard cock’s curves nicely and matching his dress. The front of it was damp with precum, Dean traced a finger over the fabric and smirked when a needy whine escaped Sam’s throat. His back arched off of the seat.

‘’I’ve been waiting for all night, been thinking of how hard you’d fuck me in this dress.’’ His finger traveled down and dipped in to pull the lace stuck in between his cheeks aside. Sam was telling the truth when he said he opened himself up beforehand. His hole was glistening with lube, it was still puffy from the abuse of his fingers.

‘’Did you think about me while fucking yourself on your fingers Sammy?’’ Dean could imagine him in bathroom, cheeks all flushed red and his hair stuck to his forehead because of the sweat. He could see Sam forcing his fingers into his tight hungry hole while dripping with lube, covering his mouth with his free hand to muffle his moans.

‘’Always, I always think about you. But it didn’t feel as good as your cock, I swear, it didn’t feel _enough._ ’’ Sam was panting like he ran a marathon, Dean could see the want radiating off of him. His hands reached down to Dean’s pants and yanked him closer.

‘’You don’t even need to prep me Dean just shove in and fuck me.’’

He batted Sam’s hands away and leaned down so their lips were brushing against each other. He could almost taste the cherry flavor of Sam’s shiny gloss, his sweet breath ghosting over Dean’s plush lips. ‘’I can decide damn well what to do and _when_ to do it.’’ He dipped his head down and sealed their lips together. They were battling for dominance, Dean was forcing his way into Sam’s mouth and Sam’s demanding tongue was licking into Dean’s mouth. He bit down Sam’s bottom lip, breaking the skin and painting his glossy lips a sinful red. He moaned into Dean’s mouth, letting him in. He bucked his hips up, seeking any kind of friction to ease himself up a little, Dean rolled his hips down to meet him halfway.

‘’Fuck, Dean please.’’ Sam was the one to play his cards all dirty till he got Dean going, and then he’d become all needy and whiney when Dean took the control over his little game. Sam’s hands slid down from his chest to his zipper, he was trying to unzip his pants desperately. Dean batted his hands away again, he pulled off from the kiss.

‘’What are you waiting for come on!’’

‘’None of that Sam.’’ He unzipped Dean’s pants and yanked them down as much as he could.

‘’Or what?’’ There was a challenge in his eyes, the ones Dean could never get enough. Sam knew too well if it was somebody else that strike an attitude like that and challenge Dean, they’d be dead within seconds. It was one of the many things Dean loved about Sam, he wasn’t afraid to act like himself while the others kissed his ass and put on an act just because Dean was scaring the living daylights out of them. Sam was never afraid of him, not even when he was at his worst.

Dean wasn’t the one to turn down a challenge. He reached out to front seat, fished his tie and grabbed Sam’s hands. He was fast at it, thanks to years of experience, he quickly tied Sam’s small wrists together and tied the idle end of the tie to the door handle.

‘’Did you get your answer?’’ He was expecting Sam to look defeated, or at least grumpy but bastard was grinning from ear to ear. Dean hooked his finger to straps of his dress and pulled them down over his shoulders, his nipples got hard when Dean’s hot breath hit one of them.

‘’But it was your plan all along, wasn’t it?’’ He sucked it into his mouth, rolled it with his tongue and bit down a little. He quickly moved to the other one, he was teasing Sam and it was working but he was getting desperate too. His dick was mad at him for denying the familiar velvety heat.

‘’P-pretty, oh god, yeah pretty much.’’ Dean palmed him through his panties, he was hard enough to cut diamonds. He could be a brat sometimes but it was in his nature to submit to Dean. His body was craving the possessive grip of his lover’s hands, missing how well they control every part of him.

‘’You really want this don’t you? You’re so desperate to have my cock in your hole, always so desperate to being used.’’ His mind was drifting off, it was getting foggier, all he could register were Dean’s voice, Dean’s touch, Dean’s warmth, _Dean, Dean, Dean._ He tested his restrains, as if Dean would _ever_ do a sloppy job, he needed to feel him.

‘’Yes, yes, yes, please,’’ Dean’s glances were hungry, he was looking at Sam as if he was a dehydrated man on a desert and Sam was water. It was almost like Dean could eat him alive, there were so much affection, lust, love and commitment in his gaze. Sam was drowning in emotions, it was making his mind float with pride, he was taking pride in being the one who made Dean feel these.

‘’Please what? I know you can do better than that baby, ask me nicely.’’

‘’You know what I want.’’

‘’I want to hear it from you and I’m not doing anything until you tell me.’’

‘’I need you so bad Dean, please just, ugh fuck me till I wake the damn dead while I moan your name.’’

‘’I’m gonna leave the panties on and fuck you nice and hard Sammy.’’ Dean yanked his boxers down and spread Sam’s cheek with one hand while lining himself up with the other. He pushed in up to the hilt with one thrust, a little bit of prep could do Sam some good but he knew how much of a masochist his brother was so he wouldn’t mind a bit of a burn.

‘’Fuck, are you sure you opened yourself up ‘cause you’re too damn tight.’’ Sam’s eyes fluttered shut and moaned out Dean's name. He's always been loud and noisy in bed, Dean knew he was dead serious when he said he wanted to wake up the dead.

‘’You feel so good, like you were made for me.’’ He angled his hips and started to hit Sam’s prostate dead on, both of them were edged enough.

‘’Pussy tighter than any girl I could ever have Sammy, sucking me in and gripping me tight so good.’’

‘’Any girl?’’ His breath hitched when Dean pinched his nipples hard. He opened his eyes and looked at his eyes.

‘’Fuck yes, any girl baby, I don’t need anyone else when I have you.’’

‘’Am I your best girl Dean?’’ Dean moaned loudly when Sam rocked his hips down to meet his thrusts. He shoved in hard again, tearing him apart. Sam’s hair was tangled in a mess, his lips were kiss-swollen and adorned with blood, spit and Dean’s name was on his lips like a damn prayer, his dick was trapped under the soft layer of lace and his hole was swallowing him whole. Everything Dean ever needed or wanted, wrapped up in one body and one soul. He wrapped a hand around Sam’s throat, he could feel the _thump, thump, thump_ of Sam’s pulse. Sam smiled a little and rolled his eyes back. Dean felt his cock _twitch_ inside Sam.

‘’You’re my best girl Sammy, my fucking bestest,’’ His hips set an unrelenting rhythm, hitting all the right spots and stretching the too-tight hole deliciously. He was so close and he knew Sam was too, the ring of muscles were clenching around him with a vice-like grip, he knew he’s been edging himself all day. There were tears at the corner of Sam’s eyes, threatening to fall down. Dean quickly leaned down and kissed them away.

‘’Tell me more Dean, don’t stop please.’’ His lips attacked the soft skin under his ear, marking every inch of skin on their way and claiming him as Dean’s. Dean fisted a hand in his hair and pulled his head back, making more room for himself.

‘’Look at you, being all so pretty in that dress baby. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. And all mine.’’

‘’All yours De.’’

‘’Damn right. All mine, inside and outside. This pussy, this body, this soul. They’re all mine.’’ His words were nothing but the truth, Sam was losing himself with the brutal honesty.

‘’You’re my everything Sammy. My baby, my little slut, my whole world. And Lord help anyone who’s dumb enough to lay eyes on what’s mine.’’ Tears were running down his cheeks, he felt more and more weightless with Dean’s each word, his mind was being dragged into a bliss and he was blushing.

‘’I love you so much De, so much.’’

‘’I love you more Sammy, you have no fucking idea.’’ Sam felt his stomach tighten with the familiar warmth building up, he wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist and pulled him in deeper as if it was possible.

‘’I’m gonna come, fuck please don’t stop Dean.’’ He wrapped his hand around Sam’s throat again, their foreheads was touching, sweats mixing.

‘’Hold on.’’

‘’I can’t, too much, I can’t take it.’’

‘’I said hold on Sam.’’

‘’Please Dean let me-‘’

‘’I’m almost there, don’t you dare come till I say so.’’ He turned into a babbling mess under Dean, he was making illogical sentences with _Dean, please, I’m begging you_ ’s. He wanted to make Dean happy, he wanted Dean to use him as he pleased.

‘’Don’t you fucking dare…’’

‘’Dean, I feel so full fuck.’’ The way his name came out his mouth like a goddamn prayer was the sweetest thing he’s ever heard. One, two, three and four more thrusts and it was enough to push Dean over the edge. He started to spurt warm, pearly white stripes, claiming Sam’s insides. He was riding through his orgasm and Sam was holding onto his command for dear life.

‘’So good for me Sammy, go ahead and come angel.’’ His back arched violently, almost made Dean scared that he’d snap in two. He came all over his panties, soaking the fabric. His hole was milking Dean for all his worth and Dean swore he could come all over again if he wasn’t too spent.

‘’Hey, you okay baby?’’ He cracked his eyes open, Dean was holding him in his arms. He didn’t notice when he untied him or cleaned them up, well as much as he could at that point.

‘’How long was I out?’’ Dean ran a hand through his hair, massaging his scalp.

‘’Five-six minutes. I thought you might need some time to come back to yourself.’’ He cuddled closer to Dean’s half-bare chest, his body was going limp, he could feel his eyelids getting heavier with sleep. Dean kissed the top of his head and patted his back.

‘’Let’s go home.’’


	2. i would lie for you, my love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is throwing a temper tantrum because Dean leaves him behind and busies himself too much. He just wants to draw his attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the ones who wondered where is john and mary :)

Dean was busy with paperwork when he heard the loud crushing sounds and yelling. The sounds didn’t stop, some people were running down the hall to see what was happening. He gripped the pen in his hand tight and closed his eyes to take a deep breath. He’s been practically living in his office for the past five days, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had a decent sleep or a meal. He’s been to fights and to negotiation meetings with other leaders lately, he’s been hindering the paperwork of the company because of that and some of them were a bit of a deadline. He had this strict rule on not bringing work to home and he was a man of principle, so he needed to stay the fuck over and finish them as quick as possible. But his patience was wearing thin, not that he had much of it to begin with. He slammed his hands to the desk and got up.

He opened the door and stepped outside. ‘’Somebody explain what the hell is happening right off!’’ his voice rumbled through the hall and everybody stood frozen. _Except._

‘’I said let me go you colossal morons!’’

‘’Mr.Winchester, sir, please don’t make this hard for us, your brother said-‘’

‘’I don’t give a fuck about what he said, let go of me!’’ Dean took a few steps further to see what was happening clearly. One of the glass walls of the conference room was blasted to smithereens, the floor was covered with glass shards. Two of his men were holding Sam by his arms to contain him. He was trashing around and cussing at them, the kid wasn’t built-up but he was still able to challenge the hulky men. Their faces were covered with scratch marks and Dean could tell they weren’t enjoying their task.

‘’We’ve been told to bring you-‘’

‘’Against my will yeah I figured that much out.’’ He saw Sam biting one of the men’s arm, poor guy growled and gazed at him.

‘’Enough.’’ Their heads turned to the voice’s source and dropped Sam off immediately. They buttoned up their jackets and nodded at him.

‘’I’ll take it from here.’’ He motioned Sam to go inside, he tidied himself up and hurried into Dean’s office, shouldering him harshly when he walked past. He took a deep breath and prayed to whoever the fuck was upstairs to give him patience because he _knew_ the scene that was about to happen wouldn’t be all fun and games. The second he closed the door, Sam jumped his bones.

‘’Why did you bring me here?’’

‘’Hello to you too baby.’’ Dean opened his arms in a piss poor attempt to hug but Sam was red-hot. He dropped his arms and crossed them at his chest instead.

‘’ _Why_ did you bring me here?’’

‘’Can’t I just want to see you?’’ Sam gave him his patented bitch-face. It wasn’t all an excuse, he really wanted to see him, last time he saw Sam felt like an eternity ago. One thing came after another and bound him here, he nearly forgot the road of their home.

‘’I heard you’ve been causing some trouble back at home, acting like a total brat and boring the pants off of them, thought we needed to talk about it. Besides, most of it is true, you know, I wanted see you.’’

‘’And you remembered that I exist like what? An hour ago?’’

‘’Oh c’mon Sammy is that really what got your panties in a twist?’’ Sam laughed hysterically for a good minute and took a deep breath, when his eyes met Dean’s, they were welled with tears.

‘’I don’t expect you to understand me Dean, you’re not the one who gets left behind all the damn time!’’ He took a step forward and Sam took a step back at the same time. Dean hated when this happened. He could handle Sam raising unshirted hell, hitting him or even the damn silent treatment because he knew how to break through these to smooth his ruffled feathers but when he distanced himself from Dean like this, it was like he was _suffocating_. Sam was all he had; he was Dean’s reason to get out of the bed every morning, he was the reason why Dean put up with this fucked up world and the louses inside of it. And he was ready to give him the whole fucking universe if he wanted to, he could set the world on fire if a single hair on his head got hurt. But he couldn’t stand it when Sam shut himself down and excluded Dean.

‘’It’s not like that Sam-‘’ He put a hand up and silenced Dean. At times like these, he knew when he had to shut the fuck up and let Sam spill his guts out. He was usually the good and quite kind, selfless even on the contrary to Dean. He knew how to appreciate the things he had, how to make others smile and how to keep things that was bothering him to himself so that no one would get upset. So if he threw a temper tantrum like this, it meant something was really upsetting him.

‘’I’m not a fucking _kid_ anymore. You can’t lock me up in a house full of guards and ‘nannies’ and go to gunfights on your own Dean,’’

‘’What gunfights?’’

‘’Don’t act so surprised, you thought I wouldn’t figure it out? You really thought I wouldn’t notice hoe you came home covered in blood and gunpowder all those nights?’’ He pointed a finger at Dean, he felt like it pierced right through his chest and his soul. This wasn’t the life he wanted for Sam, he always tried to keep him out of it. He kept Sam busy with company matters for a while, but the kid was lightning smart, it didn’t take him long to notice that Dean was distracting him from the real deal. They had lots of fights over it, a handful of furniture were destroyed and a remarkable amount of angry make-up sex happened but eventually Dean allowed him to get involved. Under one condition: no fighting.

‘’I’m not just books and brains, I can fight Dean you know it, you trained me good. I want to fight by your side and I don’t fucking care if I die because being left behind and staying up all night waiting for a call to tell me that you’re _dead_ is million times worse than dying.’’ He was yelling at the top of his lungs, tears were running down his cheeks, he was so desperate to show Dean why he needed to be in this fight with him.

‘’Sam-‘’  
‘’Don’t _Sam_ me. You lie to me about this all the time and risk yourself like a stupid asshole. I die a thousand deaths at home thinking about all the shit that could happen because you don’t even bother calling me to say you’re fucking okay,’’

It was so hard for Dean to watch Sam being torn to tiny little pieces in front of his eyes, it was even harder to keep a hold of himself when he knew that he was the one who caused this all. He was sobbing, every tear falling from his eyes were piercing Dean’s flesh like bullets.

‘’And on top of that you leave me all alone for days for some bloody paperwork!’’ He swiped everything on the table off, papers were flying across the room and several things were crashing to the nearest wall before hitting the floor. Sam’s back hit the wall and he slid down, pulled his knees to his chest to curl into himself.

‘’And yet you have the audacity to tell me that I’ve been causing trouble. All I wanted was your attention you dumbass, I wanted you to listen to me’’ Sam’s voice was ice cold, he was staring at somewhere behind Dean who was fighting to swallow the lump in his throat. There was so many things he wanted to say but he didn’t know how to say them. Telling his feelings wasn’t Dean’s forte, he was afraid to fuck things up more than they already were.

‘’I can be more useful, I can do better things for you. I just want you to trust me for once. Just once Dean why can’t you do that?’’

‘’Because I don’t want to lose you like mom and dad Sam!’’ Dean snapped and fell onto his knees in front of Sam, all the shit he shelved was pouring out of him. He grabbed Sam’s hands and pulled them to his chest.

‘’They were in this together, do you know how it ended?’’ Sam shook his head no, he was so little when mom was gone from his life.

‘’They quit gunfights and all the violent crap when they had me, dad concentrated on company instead. They wanted a better life for us, but one day a son of a bitch decided to mess around with our family, to take revenge, he went and shot mom. Dad went to rack and ruin and started to look for revenge, he wasted himself to his bones until he couldn’t bare the guilt and pain and put a bullet in his own head.’’ He wiped the tears with the back of his hand and closed his eyes. Every single memory was flooding back into his mind, every sleepless night and every fight he had to fight was replaying in his head. It was supposed to be his secret to take to grave with him. Being in a hurry to grow up, learning how to be more than a brother, going behind his back and lying to his face, training day and night just so he could protect Sam. He never regretted any of it, he did it all for Sam.

‘’B-but I thought he died because-‘’

‘’No Sam I _lied_. I never wanted this life for you, I wasn’t going to get you involved to this in the first place so I lied.’’ He bit his bottom lip to contain the sob threatening to escape. He wanted to stay strong for Sam but he was tired of keeping this a secret from him all his life. He needed him to know why he was acting the way he was.

‘’I don’t want this to happen to us too, it’s eating me up everyday. It’s in my nightmares every night, it’s playing in my mind every second of the day. I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t lose you Sam, I know it’s selfish but you’re all I have. And I won’t hesitate to end my own life if something happens to you because _there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you_.’’

Sam launched forward and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean’s arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer to his chest. Their bodies were almost like one, their hearts were beating the same beat and their souls were intertwined. They breathed each other's air until there was nothing left unspoken between them. Both of them were drowning in each other’s honesty, agony, love and fear.

‘’Dean I’m sorry I didn’t know it.’’

‘’It’s okay Sammy, it’s not your fault.’’ Dean rocked Sam in his arms for a while, he was light as a feather since he got them all off his chest. He felt guilty for lying to Sam most of his life, he felt like he was keeping him prisoner in his own life. But now the guilt was gone, he knew Sam would understand him. Sam pulled back, his eyes were puffy and red from crying, but they were still reflecting everything Sam had to say that couldn’t be said by actual words.

‘’I’ll drop this, I promise. I love you Dean, I didn’t mean to make you sad.’’ Dean caressed his hair, he smiled when all the stiffness and anger faded away from Sam’s features, bringing him the ever so sweet Sam back.

‘’I love you more baby, everything’s gonna be alright I promise.’’ And then Sam smiled, it was like sun coming out of the dark clouds, Dean’s world was more alive and brighter now. He stood up and scooped Sam up, he moved to sit down on his ‘big boss chair’.

‘’Let’s rest for a little longer, you can simmer down and then clean up the mess you made with my paperwork, Tasmanian Devil.’’ A laughter boomed through him, he tucked his head under Dean’s chin and settled in his lap. A content sigh escaped from his lips. He knew that as long as they were together, there were no hardships they couldn’t survive.

‘’Yeah, in your dreams.’’


	3. battle scars remind us that we survived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's been trying to hide them from Sam for a long time, it took Sam a lot of convincing to make Dean accept that he was beautiful with all those scars. Because battle scars just remind us that we survived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so soft for this shit.

Dean just got back home, he promised Sam to have a movie night with him. He was changing his clothes when he heard the familiar pitter patter of the bare feet waltzing their way into their bedroom.

“Dean?”

Sam walked up to him and stopped in front of him. Dean was almost naked, it was one of those rare moments where he got to feast his eyes on his lover’s body except the times they had sex.

“Yes baby?”

Dean reached for his t-shirt at a breakneck speed. He wasn’t at piece with his body, it was too much to overcome for a man like him. There was nothing pretty about it, it was all ruined and beat to shit. He was doing his best to avoid looking at himself in the mirror because all he saw was a pile of meat and bones, wrapped up in failures and desperation worth a lifetime. He knew he wasn’t easy on his body, he damaged it with so many cuts and holes and wounds to count; and like that wasn’t enough he tried to cover them all with tattoos. Sam pressed his assuring hands on his chest, he knew Dean didn’t like being eyed but they’ve talked about it so much that he could make his point without saying anything out loud from now on.

For Dean, those scars represented his  _failures_ ; the lives he failed to save, the chances he failed to take and the sacrifices he had to make. For Sam, they represented how  _strong_ Dean was; he was strong enough to go through the loss of their parents, he was strong enough to raise Sam on his own, he was strong enough to run the business and make a reputation as one of the most feared men in the country. But most importantly, they reminded Sam that Dean was strong enough to  _survive_ this all.

“Sam.”

Dean sighed and tried to cover himself with his arms, his hand tightened around the t-shirt; it was his _shield_ and he was holding onto it for dear life. He didn’t want to have a row with Sam about this. His hand cupped Dean’s cheek, this was something they need to get to grips with.

“Let me see.”

Dean let his arms drop to his sides slowly, who was he to deny Sam anything? His eyes fluttered shut when Sam’s fingers started to dance on his skin. He didn’t know what Sam found beautiful about them, he would skin himself if he could.

“You know I don’t like this.”

“And I also know that we agreed to overcome this.”

Sam traced the outline of a big and deep stab wound on his rib cage, his birthdate was tattooed on it along with his initials. Dean was considering them _flaws_ , Sam was considering them _stories_ and _trophies._ Each one of them was telling a story about Dean’s life, about who he was. Not all of them were pleasant ones, but one way or another all of them were a part of him. They added up to Dean, and shaped the man he loved with all his heart. They didn’t make him worth any less. Sam’s fingers traced another one, a bullet mark on his shoulder, covered with the flowers Dad used to leave at Mom’s grave. He could feel Dean’s muscles tightening under his touch, begging for Sam to let go of him.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you Dean.”

He pressed few kisses on his shoulder and moved on to a fresher one, right under his cage tattoo which he hated with his whole being, still bruised black and blue with stitches on it. Sam pressed his lips on edge of it, he was careful not to hurt Dean. 

“You’re not flawed.”

His eyes traveled all around Dean’s torso, from wound to wound, tattoo to tattoo. His fingers caressed the tally marks across his collarbones, he never got to know what were they for. 

“I know you’ve never loved them, the wounds or the tattoos.”

There was a phoenix in the middle of his chest, and two guns at the each side of it; aiming at each other. A constantreminder of his life; staring down the barrel of a gun and at the thin line in between dying and being reborn.

“You never love yourself half as much as I love you.”

Dean’s body was loosening because he knew it was okay to let his guard down sometimes. He didn’t need to be big and strong all the time, he didn’t need to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sam could help him, he could carry it for Dean before it came _crashing_ down on him.

“If only you could treat yourself right because I really want you to.”

He opened his eyes looked down at Sam. He was drowning in the endless ocean of trust, love and adoration in Sam’s eyes. He hated himself for putting that weight on him; Dean should’ve been the one to assure him, the one to take his pain and problems away, not the other way around. He knew he wasn’t worth his love, Sam deserved _more_. More than him, more than this.

“I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve your love.”

Sam stood on his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck to pull him down for a kiss. Dean’s arms snaked around his waist and pulled his body closer to his chest. He knew it was okay to let Sam in, and he would  _ only _let Sam in. At that very moment he knew he wouldn’t want this with anyone other than Sam. He pulled back and pressed their foreheads together. They were a tangled mess; all arms and hands, caressing each other like it was the first time they ever touched each other, like they couldn’t get enough.

“You’re perfect to me De.”

Dean dipped his head down and caught his lips again. His hands found Sam’s and entwined their fingers.

“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me Sammy. I wouldn’t trade you for the _world_.”

“I know, I love you.”

“I love you more baby.”


End file.
